No Bridging the Gap

Months and months have come and gone since my last post.  To be honest, I didn't really think I'd ever post again.  Yet, here I am... in a weird mood and decided to write.   Lots has happened since the last post but I'm not going to update completely - here's the summary:  my thyroid stopped - that sucked but I got pills to keep me rolling now.  Hugh's working like crazy at school and working full time and I'm super proud of him!!!  Little Lila is saying Momma and crawling! Marybelle is taking swim lessons with Grandpa J and Clayton is still running full steam nonstop making messes and is finally talking really well (if u ask me!)

This week has been busy and fun!  I put in my parents garden yesterday and today I put in my garden!  Hugh and I also got to go The Avengers this week - I loved it!!

Here's what's bothering me today... I suffer from thinking I'm funny sometimes when other people may not think I'm being funny.  It's been a lifelong disease and it's costed me many times.  I hate it..... I mean, I LOVE trying to be funny, but hate this sick feeling when I've said or done something and am not sure how it's being received.  It Sucks!   Some people might just think I'm mean or a jerk... but I'm not trying to be.   I don't think I'm mean hearted - my intention is never to hurt anyone, it's always to be funny.   so.... what should I do? Stop trying to be funny at all? (that feels like it would be dull to me)  How can I learn where to draw the line?  Ugh!  It sucks...

If I've seemed like a jerk to u, or hurt u personally... please know that it wasn't intentional and I'm sorry that I'm not always funny.

View from the Bottom of the Mountain

I don't like being negative - I consider myself naturally optomistic and positive but lately I feel like I've been viewing things from the bottom of the mountain (maybe this is part of the postpartum hormones).  The major part of my life that I seem to have this perspective in is being a Mother.  Now I have 3 beautiful children.  They are amazing, loving, interesting, funny... they keep me going all the time - but I feel like I fall short in what I should be doing and what I have been doing for them.  HOW can I teach them? What should my days look like if I am a successful mother?  How can I help them to embrace all the goodness they should embrace in this world? How can I help them learn - abc's, how to eat nice, how to dress nice, how to treat others?  My sweet lil' Marybelle is an early riser - often coming into my room before 6am! This is a huge trial for me as I am not even a morning person.  We started by having the TV set up for her and she could watch it until the rest of us can roll out of bed.  But last week I started setting things up (painting or playdough and breakfast) the night before so she could be more productive in the mornings.  I haven't been able to be consistent with this though and can't help but feel like a failure.  I really don't like her watching TV at all anymore and really want to get rid of our cable - but apparently it is cheaper for us to have cable (how backwards is that?!!!)
I want to be a better mother and help my children to find true happiness and to be successful - I wish there was a handbook and a clear outline of how to do this!!!!

What Makes Me Happy?

Every once in awhile I get sorta down - I like to blame it on the hormones.  My dear Husband usually responds to this by telling me that I need to do something that'll make me happy - that's what he does.  Hugh is really good at feeling free to do what he wants when he wants (and it's rare that it is inconvenient for me).  BUT my biggest problem seems to be that I can never think of what makes me happy - what can I do?
SO, it's been a long time since I've blogged and I thought, maybe I should create a blog/reminder for myself of the things that make me happy and then I have a list of things to choose from on those down days.  Here is my list - feel free to comment and add suggestions of things to make you happy :)
Pedicures:

Alright, I actually have only had one or maybe two professional pedicures in my life, but I THINK about getting them ALL the time! I wish they were cheap, then I'd actually GET them all the time! :)

Massages:

I love massages and used to get them all the time - I especially loved it when it was part of my health plan through my company! I miss those days!!! Now that the money comes right out of our pockets, I can't really treat myself to a massage without feeling stressed and guilty about it, which takes all the fun out of it.

 Going to a Movie:

I LOVE going to movies - and I'm not really picky about genres, except I just can't handle scary or sweary. :)  I'm one of those 'boring' people that if people asked me what to do I would always choose watching a movie!



 I love being outside in the sun soaking in the rays... mmmmmm.... feels so good! I wish the sun wasn't so bad for our skin because I would suntan everyday that I could!  And during winter I would totally be a regular in the tanning beds, I just love it!!  And actually when I prepare to labor and create my 'special place' to take my mind off of the contractions, usually I just imagine myself laying outside in the sun. This totally makes me happy!

 Swimming is one of my favorite things to do! I think as I look at my list above that I really should try to live in a hotter climate - I could totally be a beach bum!  It's sorta funny looking to be ina swimsuit I think when I'm pregnant, but I could swim all day and it feels so good to be in the water!

Last thing that makes me happy is being around the people I love.  My Husband and children bring me such great joy - I'm truly so grateful for them! Also, I've been blessed with wonderful friends, I just wish I could spend more time with everyone!!!  Here are some pictures of my family that makes me smile.

 How can someone feel down after these?

I LOVE my Kids!!!

Sorry, I haven't really been up to 'bloggin'... we are a busy family, but it's hard to think of things to write about or to feel passionate enough to write about things.  A new thing that's kind of a big deal for us this week was that we bought a van.  It's pretty exciting, and also kind of weird because we keep getting all these strange comments about becoming "a real family" or "entering our new phase of life" or "having a mormon assault vehicle"?!?!   Funny... weird... I never viewed a van like that before, but am super happy to have one now!

So I really wanted to blog about my beautiful children.  Right now I'm pregnant, and I don't know if the hormones are what's making so gooey about my kids, but seriously I'm filled with so much joy from my children!  I've always loved children in general, but my kiddo's blow my mind with how cute, hilarious and fun they are.  My 1 year old is super cuddly.  He's always giving the best hugs and thinks it's so funny to tease me with kisses (meaning, he'll give Hugh a kiss, but taunt me by not kissing me and just laughing about it, and making me chase him down for a kiss)  It's a big change to have a cuddly baby because our daughter would NOT cuddle until she was probably 2!!
Our 3 year old has the greatest imagination ever!  She's always making strange requests that keep me laughing... like whenever I read her "Winnie the Pooh and the Big Bear", she has me change the big bear into a big girl bear, and I have to add female voices... ahhh.. fun!
This week I've not been able to sleep in even until 6:45am because Marybelle is so enthusiastic about the mornings.  So she's always in my room bright and early and wakes me up by saying the cutest things "Momma, the sun is out, it's time to get outta bed sweetheart". and she'll pat my face or kiss my cheeks...   I actually have turned more into a morning person a bit because I get excited to see her and hear what she says first thing in the mornings.

Anyhoo... it's awesome to be a Mom - I'm super excited to see and meet baby #3...  Loving each moment! 

Not super impressed...

Well I've been avoiding writing on my blog for a few weeks now.. and definitely didn't do the full 30 day challenge - but I'm okay with that - I hope you guys are too!  Lots has been happening over the last few weeks and I'm feeling a bit of a need to 'let it out'... So, here's my sounding board
Right now I'm really feeling frustrated - My neice and nephew were taken into foster care two weeks ago, and I've basically had to work and wait to get one of them into my home... they seemed to want to put it off forever, but today is the day everything is moving forward, only it's 8:24pm and I JUST heard from her foster mom - she was supposed to contact me today to arrange the transfer, and never did... finally around 6pm I started calling her number that was given to me... and by 630 I left a voicemail.... No calls... 8 pm hits and I'm totally stressing over things, so I call the 24hr number to confirm that I didn't mess up the details and to see what they would recommend.  They stated that this was way late to be bringing a child, and they would try to contact the worker on the same number I had - I guess they had luck and the lady finally called. 
Luckily there was no need to worry, but now when my neice comes I'm going to have to wake up my daughter to get her to bed - I just think it was alittle unconsiderate.

I actually don't like to vent that much, but since Hugh wasn't home, I just needed the outlet, so thanks for 'listening' or reading.   Other things in my life are actually really wonderful.  I feel grateful to have such a supportive husband and he's been helping extra with my neice coming.  And our children are seriously stellar!  I think things will work well with my neice here, I've already seen changes happening that will allow me to deal with 'everything' better and so I know that Heavenly Father's hand is in all of this.  I'm grateful to be able to see His love and concern for me.  I guess that's enough for now - I'll hopefully get on here again soon.

Cramming time!

So anyone who is 'following' is probably thinking how LAME I am at doing a daily blog... meh, I don't know if I'm super dissappointed myself, but I thought I better cram a few in today:

Day 10-Songs you listen to when you're bored, happy, sad, mad, hyped
Day 11-A picture of you and your family
Day 12- Put your ipod or shuffle on-first 10 songs that play
Songs I listen to... Usually whatever is on the radio but if i need to be specific to the moods, here is what i would choose:  Bored: Mika - Grace Kelly (seems to put me in a better mood)
Happy - Earth, Wind, and Fire - September
Sad - All American Rejects - It Ends Tonight
Mad - Hoobastank - Same Direction
Hyped - Queen - Break Thru

A Picture of me and my family... I've been meaning to take a group pic forever... even had a goal to send out our family pics on a christmas card... but here I am, still without a picture of the group... so here's what i DO have...

I will do my best to capture all of us together sometime soon, and post a more recent one...

Day 12... I feel almost like I could get away with boycotting this and not doing it, because I'm not cool enough to have an ipod, or even a cell phone... Since I got married, I basically dropped outta the technology race - so please forgive me... alls I gots r cds in the car-o     and those don't really capture the shuffle effect. But now you know about my lameness, and so this day's blog has been accomplished, right!?!

Day 9-Something you're proud of in the past few days

This would be a good place to add a few of the pictures we've taken in the past few days... but I don't have my camera-to-computer cord... So I'll have to add these later... but feel free to envision:
It was Clayton's FIRST birthday on Friday!  He did SO good - opening gifts, being happy and entertaining.
With the busy-ness of the weekend, I'm also super proud of my accomplishing my 'survival' goal... I did it, I'm still breathing and survived it all~! I know.. I'm pretty spectacular ;)